StarWomanPlus Interviews LaRae Quy - The Mental Toughness Guru.
StarWomanPlus- What is inspiration to you? And how do you get inspired?
LaRae Quy-I am inspired when I pursue the things that provide me with value and meaning. There are many things that I love to do, but often loving an activity is not the same thing as following our calling.
For example, I love the beach, but it is not my calling. To be inspired, I need to be following my heart and doing the things that provide me with a sense of accomplishment and meaning.
Some would use the word “passion” but I find that word is overused and under-appreciated. If I’m not inspired by what I see in front of me, I read something that will inspire me. Or I find people whom I want to emulate and learn from. There are
lots of sources for inspiration, but it may mean taking the eye off of ourselves and looking to something that is bigger and bolder.
SWP-Are you on a journey with destiny? What is the journey? What is your destiny?
LQ-We are all on a journey, or at least we should be! The longest journey in the world is the one from our head to our heart. This is my journey. The better I understand myself, the better I understand the God who made me. That leads me to my destiny.
I find that I am always learning and uncovering new frontiers—that is also one of the joys of self-discovery! I love pushing my limits anddiscovering new things about myself and those around me. My destiny is to become all that I can and should be as a human being.
SWP-Have doubt & faith affected your core/vision/mission/purpose? How?
LQ- I live with doubt every day: Can I really pull this off? Will this succeed? What do I need to do to make it better? I ask these questions because I am constantly challenging myself. I can’t imagine getting up in the morning and not being excited
about learning how I can change things and make them better. We all live with doubts.
That is the human condition. If you have no doubts, check your pulse because you must be dead. Doubt is good—it keeps us alive and always questioning our beliefs and values. I have also failed at many things, but those failures were essential in guiding my life because each failure had a huge, positive impact on me— and this is how: I stopped and took the time to learn from each mistake and failure.
Many people do not want to relive a failure, mistake, or doubt they have experienced. You can never be mentally strong if you can’t look at your life and circumstances with an eye of learning how to make yourself stronger so that 1) it never happens again, and 2) you are wiser than when you started.
SWP-You have an abundant plan for your life, right? How do you want to get there?
LQ-I want to take small steps, and learn from each step as I keep moving forward. The key is to keep moving forward. I do not want to shut doors on opportunities, and if an opportunity does not present itself, I will search until I find one.
Maintaining a positive attitude is important as we think about living an abundant life. If we are grateful for what we have, we can start living an
abundant life immediately. It is impossible for negativity and gratitude to co-exist, so makegratitude your go-to attitude and stop complaining, whining, or blaming others.
SWP- Is whatever you are involved with an effective tool for change?
LQ-I help people develop mental toughness so they can create breakthroughs in both business and life. I find that self-limiting barriers and lack of confidence are the two things that hold most people back, regardless of education, age or sex.
Once you change the way you think about yourself, you change your outlook on life. You are capable of
much more than you give yourself credit for…the key is to keep pushing your limit. Learn to take on the hard stuff and to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. If you are uncomfortable, it means you’re trying something new—and hard.
SWP- In what ways should women maximize the abilities in their vision?
LQ-Women have only the limit that they place on themselves. There are no excuses for why women cannot do or be whomever they want to be. Some professions and industries may be dominated by men, but that is no reason why women cannot be as competitive and competent as a male
applicant. Go for it. But be smart about it, too.
I worked in a male dominated environment for 24 years. I acted like a professional, never tried to be sexy or girly, and worked damn hard to be as competent as my colleagues. It worked, and it can work for any woman who has a vision of what she
wants to do in life.
SWP-When did you begin to embrace and become aware of your purpose/ vision? What was your reaction?
LQ - I knew I wanted to be an FBI agent, but it wasn’t until I nearly failed the physical fitness test that I realized how much I wanted this career.
Failure can provide perfect clarity: I was not going to get washed out of the Academy. So I struggled and persevered until I made it.
Now I have a second career—writing. I l ...ove it! But again, I had a few false starts there, too. I started writing fiction initially, and that went nowhere! Finally, I started writing non-fiction and this is what has brought me to forming the Mental
Toughness Center.
I love what I am doing because I am making a positive impact on people’s lives.
Anyone who believes that purpose/passion/vision is easy to discern or uncover is mistaken. There are many layers of expectations heaped on us
from parents, teachers, and society that we need to peel off. Sometimes it’s hard and it can get sticky, especially to peel of those expectations (or lack of) that we have of ourselves. It is part of our journey, but well worth the effort.
SWP- A woman's mind and soul are important? How important?
LQ-Everyone’s mind and soul are important! Yet women tend to deny that they can make a difference in the world, as if their place is too small to make much of a dent. This is not true.
Self-compassion is an important place to start. No one’s life is perfect, despite what you hear or see
from the outside. We all carry wounds—some are just more visible. Here is the secret: life is not
separated into winners and losers. It is separated into learners and non- learners. If you are a learner, you can accomplish anything. But you must be willing to put in the blood, sweat, and tears of learning new skills, or talent, or whatever in order to succeed.
SWP- How should our educational systems be involved in helping girls discover their purpose?
LQ-Our educational system must take responsibility for herding girls into soft science and social classes at an early age. Boys are expected to be better at math and engineering and
guess what? It becomes a self- fulfilling prophecy!
Parents and teachers should encourage toddlers of both sexes to engage in all academic pursuits. If
we expect our little girls to be mathematicians and engineers, they will find it much easier to continue in those fields as they grow and mature.
SWP-Who are (is) your mentor(s)? What have you learnt from them?
LQ-Most of my mentors have been men, and very few of them even know they were my mentor! I never worried about having the “perfect mentor” at work…I just learned from whomever was doing the best job on the squad.
A formal mentorship is great if you have one. The positive feedback is always a good thing.
SWP-Those times that seem as if nothing is working,how do you pull yourself through?
LQ-I have had many of those moments—I did not believe I would be able to move out of my rut, that I wasn’t smart enough to achieve my lofty goals, that I was a loser.
But this is where self-reflection becomes very important. Too often, people wait until times are tough and they are feeling down to really think
about similar times in their life. Then it’s like a snowball and the negative weight just keeps getting heavier and heavier.
Instead, reflect on your past when things are going OK for you. Analyze choices made during times of trial and take a closer look at the consequences of those decisions.
You are more likely to look at yourself in a friendly light. If mistakes were made, tease out the
undesirable behavior from the actions that helped move you forward.
If you’ve done your “inner reflection” work ahead of time, when you hit a low it will be easier to use positive self-talk as a way of reminding yourself that you’ve been here/done that before and guess what? You made it through. And you will again.
SWP-How do you express the energies in your passion?
LQ- I’m a firm believer in facing problems head-on. Things do not tend to get better if they are neglected or hidden. The worse thing to do is pretend a problem doesn’t exist.
SWP- Any last words for women/girls out there standing by and for their dreams?
LQ-Follow your dreams or the seduction of safety will leave you with only gray promises.
LaRae Quy was an undercover and counterintelligence FBI agent for 24
years. She exposed foreign spies and recruited them to work for the U.S.
Government. As an FBI agent, shedeveloped the mental toughness to
survive in environments of risk, uncertainty, and deception.
As a former FBI agent, she speaks and consults on how to develop
mental toughness to create breakthroughs in business and life.
She offers no-nonsense FBI practices to help others develop the
mental strength to manage their emotions, behavior, and thinking so
they can set themselves up for success.
www.LaRaeQuy.com
www.laraequy.com
Social media-
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/larae -quy
Twitter: @LaRaeQuy
Facebook: https:// www.facebook.com/pages/ Empower-the-Leader-In-You
Author of Mental Toughness For Women Leaders and Secrets of A Strong Mind- both are available on Amazon.